"You are my Sunshine!"

When I was 17 I met this sailor guy who was a Jesus Freak and 5 weeks later we were married.

Thirty-nine years ago( 1971) we stood in the living room of my parent's house and said "I do"...and we are still together today.
There are so many reasons why we shouldn't have made it...but so far we have defied the odds and kept on loving each other.  It hasn't always been fun and there were times we thought about calling it quits.  We still have to have some of those talks that seem like we aren't getting anywhere but for the most part I think we've learned that we needed to embrace the person we married instead of trying to change them and learn to be thankful for the things they bring "In" to the marriage...not the things they "don't".

That was such a hard concept for me.  I grew up with "Leave it to Beaver, Father knows Best,Barbie "and the phrase "happily ever after" that was supposed to come after getting married.
  I had been told that I should expect my husband to "Know" what I wanted and if he didn't it was assumed that he was a scum bag.  When that didn't happen for us I thought we were doomed and that I would never be happy.

For many years, more than I want to admit, I kept thinking that I was missing out on something that every married woman must have...the flower buying, mushy card giving, diamond and jewelry bedazzling male who lavished all of those things on me and could only think of me all day.  I was sorely disappointed for many years and often when he did remember or give me something I was totally ungrateful.  How could he win?

Some time ago I began to realize that what I have is unique and I had taken him for granted.
I started focusing on the things he did for me to show me his love instead of the things the magazines try to tell you are how to measure how a guy feels about you.

My husband does the wash...all of it...from start to finish.  How many males do you know that feel good enough about themselves to do the wash?  Even 1 load.  And...he does it better than I do!  He doesn't do it with an attitude that secretly says"You should be doing this!" Or give me a hard time about it now, but many years ago we used to fight about it because he didn't like the way I did it.  My way was a little more creative and I didn't always get everything into the drawers or out of the dryer.  He came to the realization that "If it was that important to him, that it be done a certain way, then he could do it"  And he didn't need to try to guilt me into doing something because "society" said that was something designated for the role of "wife".

He does the dishes.  In fact...when we go to gathering he will get in the kitchen and wash the dishes.  It makes the women swoon over him and the men get ticked! I've always enjoyed working with him in the kitchen and having conversations while we work together. We have a dishwasher now...and that suits us both just fine!

 He helps me keep things cleaned up, pays our bills and has sacrificially done without a lot of his own needs to make sure we have both of our needs met...and he was that way when our children were living with us.  He doesn't go out and buy toys for himself nor does he spend it on numerous hobbies.  I've encouraged him to do something for himself but he will often choose something that includes the both of us.  There are many other ways I could describe how much I appreciate him but I don't want to make you barf or get angry at me for patting him on the back.  I just wanted to say that I appreciate the couple we have evolved into.  We aren't perfect, and some might say we are too enmeshed but I wouldn't start over for anything now.
It's not just "that Lovin Feeling" they sing about...it's deeper.
The person who becomes a friend...who likes you even though things don't look exactly like they did when you first got married...who laughs with you and at you and encourages you to step out and take risks.

  I like this guy...he makes me smile...he's a great companion and I'm looking forward to what ever the next 39 years will bring. 

Here's to my love!  

He's my Sunshine!

What's Timing Got to Do with it?

Ever wonder if what you are doing right now has anything to do with the rest of your life? 
I have thought that every time I've changed jobs or geographic locations.  "How's this going to matter in my life?"  How does this have anything to do with what I know or how I've been trained?"

I've heard that your life is a culmination of all your experiences.  So, does it make any difference that I have probably moved to different states at least 12 times and in several other locations within those states 2 to 3 times?  How does that fit into the rest of my thought processes and how I do things?

One thing that I know is that early on I learned that you need to watch the people you are around for the unspoken nuances and ways they do things to get your own clues for how things are said and done. 

 For example, when I was 6 we moved to San Diego, CA from Valley,Alabama.  I was enrolled in 1st grade and learned quickly that my teacher did not like me because of my southern accent.  She told my mother that I thought I could smile and that would keep me out of trouble.  I also learned that I could change the way I sounded to be "more acceptable" to the people around me, and unconsciously made an effort to "lose" my accent where ever we lived.  Occasionally I'm told that someone detects a bit of an accent, but I'm often told I don't sound like I'm from the south.

Life is weird! About the time you think you have something down pat and you are sailing along...it changes.  At least it does for me.  So, it isn't strange for us to decide to pick up and move somewhere else or decide that we need a change of scenery.  I guess some people think that is unstable.  I always thought of it as adventurous!  But I also know people who have never moved out of their childhood home,let alone out of state.  I'll bet that person looks at life differently than I do, and it has shaped how they will do things in the future.

So, I look over the past experiences of my life and wonder, even now, when am I going to use this...and I have caught myself in the past asking the same question. 

 Today is an example of that coming around.  A student was trying to find out the difference between Copernicus, Aristotle and Galileo. 

If you are anything like me...I couldn't have cared less who they were when I was in high school...I just knew they were old guys that lived long ago and had something to do with astronomy, math or science.  But today we were looking each of these dudes up and learning the difference.  Go Figure!

I have asked myself in the last few months, "How in the world did I end up here?"  But I'm rather enjoying the interaction with the students and faculty...brushing up on my History and English and all the other subjects.  It comes a bit at a time and I have to do my homework, but I am certainly having to retrieve some of the very things I thought I would never have to recite again.  I guess my early life of moving and experiencing new things and new cultures helped to shape my ability to accept change as a way of life...and to roll with it.

I guess timing has a lot to do with everything...eventually.  Sometime in your life you will need that tidbit of information for what ever reason.  And it may even help you in place you thought you'd never go. I find that most of my experiences have helped me to related to the questions with a fresh perspective and sometimes another way of approaching a solution.  Some people call that creativity. 

 Albeit, aggravating and stressful at times, I hope I can embrace the "timing" and live in the moment.  And ask myself again..."What's this got to do with my life"?

Telling Stories

When I was a little girl we used to go to my Granny and Papo Crowder's house in Langdale, Alabama to spend week-ends and summer time with them.

Lottie Belle Weldon Crowder

My granny and Papo slept in separate double beds on either side of the bathroom door.  She had had a stroke in her 40's and was paralyzed on her left side and needed to get up frequently at night to use the rest room.  When we came for a visit, I usually slept with Granny.

  Her bed was always loaded with blankets...lots of them.  I loved getting down in under them, but like a lot of kids, my metabolism  ran high and I would start sweating in the middle of the night. 

 I'd start flailing around, telling her, "I'm about to sweat to death, Granny!" until I got the covers off me.  After I cooled off I'd fall back  to sleep and Granny would do her best to cover me back up.

  Over and over until I kicked them off.  She patiently tried to put them back on, even though she had a crippled hand and leg.  I'm sure she grew impatient with me but she never fussed at me.

Another thing she did is tell me stories.  She made them come alive!  She'd tell me the story of "Chicken Little", Little Red Riding Hood"," the Little Red Hen.",  and many of  Uncle Remus's stories .

She was a southern lady so she did it in her slow southern Alabama drawl.  If she missed a step I would remind her. 

Turkey Lurkey, and Henny Penny, and Goosey Loosey and all the others running to the King to let him know ,"the sky was falling!"  And for some reason I loved to hear her say, "Well, then I'll do it Myself,"when she mimicked the little Red Hen. 

 Sometimes she got so tickled when she was telling me about Brer Bear, and Brer Fox, and Brer Rabbit getting into it.  She'd get to hollering and squealing like Brer Rabbit was caught in the brier patch and I would start giggling.

 I felt like I was in the briar patch too. She'd laugh so hard she'd  wet her pants and that would make me laugh harder and giggle louder.
We'd lay there in her bed under the covers while  she  spun out those yarns hoping that I would fall asleep soon. 

Sometimes it worked, but there were those times when I was so wound up that I could not go to sleep and she would start complaining of her jaw aching. 

 Funny how I didn't catch on until I was much older that she was trying to tell me she was too tired to tell me another story.

Donald Crowder,my dad, and his brother Danny

Those are good memories to me and it gave me an appreciation for fairy tales, fiction and story telling and it made me want to be a story teller too.

It also bonded me to her.  I knew I was her favorite.  It wasn't just the story telling, it was the warm cozy feeling of being loved and knowing I was special to her. 

Your day just got better!

I was sitting in class today and a student came in and asked me"How are you, Mrs. Murphy?"  I responded my normal, "Good", or "Pretty good" and he smiled at me and hesitated a moment and then said, "Well...your day just got better...because I'm here now!"
I love it!
  It makes me smile now and it made me smile when he said it!
How I wish that we all could have that attitude about ourselves and life.  I have witnessed many people who don't believe there is anything about themselves that makes people happy or glad to be alive.  Most of us are convinced that there is nothing in them that would make a difference to anyone.
That student made my day!  I want to be as positive as he is and make a difference in others lives.  Not only did he greet me...he kept singing songs inserting my name in them. He had me giggling throughout class.

I saw a video clip about a teacher who gave out 3 blue ribbons to people who had made a difference in her life.  She made a point of telling each one why they made a difference, in turn they were to pass it on to 2 other people and tell them why.  One of them was a guy's boss who most of his employees thought of as grumpy...only this time someone told him he had made a difference in his life.  Then that guy went home and sat his teen age son down and told him he knew he had focused lately on the things he hadn't been doing but that he wanted to let him know that he was really proud of him and that he had made a big difference in his life.  The teen ager started crying.  He told his dad that he had planned to take his own life that evening...because he didn't feel like he was worth anything to anyone...he told his dad that he had changed his mind.
Wow, You never know what one little bit of kindness will do for someone. It could change their lives.
I hope all of you feel so good about yourselves that you can walk up to someone and tell them, your day just got better...and mean it.  Thanks to all of you.  Your lives make a difference in my life!  And my day just got better because you are in it.