This holiday season we have had the opportunity to be with all of our family in some way shape or form. Thanksgiving my sister and husband came up and we had all our children and grandchildren, my mother and step father, my daughter in laws parents from Zimbabwe and all 9 grand’s.
During the Christmas holidays we spent a night with our oldest daughter and her 3 boys, have been to my son and daughter-in-laws house, seeing 2 of the grand’s there in their habitat and again visited with our daughter-in-laws parents. Then traveled to KY to see my husband’s parents who are in their 80’s. We are on our way as we speak to visit friends in Ohio for an evening who are of our generation and then we will head back home for a day and head down to VA to spend New Years with my mother.
During the Christmas holidays we spent a night with our oldest daughter and her 3 boys, have been to my son and daughter-in-laws house, seeing 2 of the grand’s there in their habitat and again visited with our daughter-in-laws parents. Then traveled to KY to see my husband’s parents who are in their 80’s. We are on our way as we speak to visit friends in Ohio for an evening who are of our generation and then we will head back home for a day and head down to VA to spend New Years with my mother.
In each place we interact with each other in different ways.
What occurs to me is how things change over the years and what you become more tolerant of....more empathetic...more mellow.
The thing I’m seeing at the age I am now is that we see things in persons who are older than us that we say, we hope we don’t do that when we get to be their age. We have noticed that the people that are younger than we are tend to be a frivolous, too worried about what others think and uptight. We've also noticed that on the other end of the spectrum the older a person gets they become frivilous because they don't seem to notice anymore, they don't worry about what anyone thinks and they let er rip no matter who is around! We've discussed how we want to make it easier for our children to help us when we get to the point that we can no longer help ourselves. It's difficult because age creeps up on you gradually and it is extremely difficult to admit that we can no longer do something. Often we wait so long that we suddenly discover when we are called on to do a particular task that there is no longer strength to do it...and admitting it might make us appear less than what we are.
I can remember thinking that my parents didn’t understand the things that we were dealing within our generation. It seemed like they were always criticizing our generation. Then, I hit another stage in my life and saw that what they were saying was a pretty good way to look at things and that they had suddenly become pretty smart.
A little later on I had problems dealing with issues that I felt like my parents had filled me with and blamed them for everything that ever went wrong in my life. Then I got tired of being angry at them all the time and decided to embrace the good and the bad and enjoy them for who they were, flaws and all.
It occurred to me as we were visiting my husband’s parents and when I see my mother that we will someday be trading places with them. I would hope that my children and grandchildren will give us grace and not become aggravated and angry at us for being where we are at. I hope I have been realistic and prepared myself and them for what is to come. I hope I won't let my pride keep me from listening to them but I hope I maintain enough pride that I never give up.
I think sometimes the younger generations tend to have little empathy because they have yet to experience what the aging process does to your body. I remember thinking my mother could just start jogging at the age of 40 when I was 20 years younger than she was and keep up with me. I didn’t realize that she needed to become conditioned to running and give her body a chance to catch up with the exercise she was going to push it to do. Years later I felt embarrased when I thought about how I pushed my mom to do something I thought should be effortless.
I often see teen-agers I work with in the high school setting scoff at an older people, myself included,as if we are a curse word. But I feel like I’m one of those people who are on the fence. ( I think they call us the "sandwich generation".)
I know what it has been like to be young, fit, trim and desirable, then I have seen the gazes go from me to my daughters and those younger than myself, then I have felt at a certain age that I was no longer even in the running. I’ve watched the generations interacting with each other, seen my mother and step father and in-laws struggle to hear what everyone was saying, watched them teeter and todder trying to get up out of a chair and then struggle to get their legs going again. Our conversations with our parents center around the things we used to be able to do, and that it is almost impossible now to carry out some of the everyday tasks that used to be so simple and that was taken for granted it would always be easy to do. Things that used to be so easy are something our parents have to reconsider doing now. Things like climbing up on roofs and going up and down stairs with an armful of stuff. or going to the grocery store and getting them back into the house once you get home. I've heard friends talk about how difficult it was to take things away from their parents because it was endangering their lives and the life of others. I think that will be a hard reality.
Yep, it looks like if we continue our lives that we will one day be trading places with the generation of people our parents are. I wonder what changes and adaptations will be made because of the huge population that are baby boomers who will be retirees and senior citizens? I look forward to the inventions that will supposedly rescue us from our waning "fountian of youth"!
I hope I can keep up and stay aware of what is coming on that is new and different. I hope the younger generation will embrace us and allow for our physical inability. I hope I am able to carrying on a conversation that doesn’t alienate my children and grandchildren. I hope they will be able to respect what I bring to the table even if I don’t have a full understanding of what is going on. And I hope I can be an enjoyable person to be around who doesn’t criticize and complain about everything because it’s not done the way we used to do it.
Inevitably we all will face the experience of trading places with someone if we live our lives to our 80’s and beyond. May we learn to do it gracefully.
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